Who’s the last human standing? Not the manager
In a glass cabin sits Mr Rao, a manager who has survived 20 appraisal cycles by the simple expedient of never deciding anything. Before him sit this year’s contestants for one remaining seat: Sharma, carbon-based, and SH4RM4, cloud-based. Each has been invited to demonstrate why the other is unnecessary, a modern way of building team spirit.
The machine goes first, as machines do, having no politeness to slow it down. “This year I resolved 14,000 tickets, attended zero birthday celebrations in the conference room, took no sick leave, and my uptime was 99.99%.” It pauses for effect, an effect it learned from a dataset. “Sharma’s uptime, adjusted for tea, was 61%.”
Sharma is unmoved. “Sir, in March the Ahmedabad client called to cancel the contract. I asked after her daughter’s board exams, listened for 40 minutes, and the contract doubled. Empathy, sir, is not yet available on subscription.”
“I processed that client’s invoice in 0.3 seconds,” says the bot. “And I once delayed an invoice 3 weeks out of pure tact, which is why the client still exists. Speed is what you offer a customer when you do not know him,” says Sharma. The bot attempts sentiment, as a chess move. “I have been trained on the complete work of every employee, including Mr Sharma.” “That is precisely the trouble,” murmurs Sharma. “It knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.” The bot calculates the cost of this insult at 0.002 paise and files it under feedback.
Mr Rao listens with mounting unease. Every decision he might take, the bot takes faster, and without the committee. Every handshake he might offer, Sharma offers warmer, and with better gossip. And so, the appraisal ends with the only honest rating ever recorded in the system. Mr Rao opens his laptop, thinks resignation, the bot immediately types it out. From force of habit, he asks the bot to rephrase it elegantly, and Sharma to deliver it with feeling. Both, for once, exceed expectations.
He walks out a free man, past half a million employees and half a million agents, reflecting that he is the only one in the building who knows exactly what his job no longer is. To lose one employee to a machine, is a misfortune. To lose the manager to clarity, looks suspiciously like progress.
Disclaimer
Views expressed above are the author’s own.
