Lebanese poet Kahlil Gibran said, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let winds of heaven dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.”
Through his work, The Prophet, Gibran highlighted the importance of leaving enough room in relationships, suggesting that instead of occupying the emotional landscape with performative displays of affection, one should set the other person free, and secure one’s own freedom.
This can be rewarding, much like a stringed instrument whose strings remain separate yet produce a melodious symphony.
For if you are clingy, you might lose her completely, but if you avoid emotional overcrowding, your relationship will thrive.
American musician and spoken-word performer Henry Rollins, says, “It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone, the more it wants to get away…It confuses you.”
It can be devastating to watch people leave; be they friends you spent the time of your life with, or a partner. The heartbreak can be unbearable, but it is also a way through which light enters your life.
Upanishads explain that when we want to hold on to our partners, we do so not for the person we love, but for the Self! In Brihadaranyak Upanishad, when Sage Yajnavalkya decides to renounce worldly life, his wife, Maitreyi, finds it difficult to accept his decision. Yajnavalkya explains that nothing is loved merely for its own sake; everything is loved because the Self shines through it.
When a wife loves her husband, she does not really love another person; she loves the Self. Similarly, when a husband appears to be smitten by his wife, he too loves the Self, for It is resplendent in all beings.
People or objects we think we love, can at best, offer us fleeting joy, even though we seek lasting happiness. Relationships flourish when individuals are free enough to evolve spiritually and emotionally.
Many people remain physically together while becoming inwardly strangers because filial expectations, uncertainty and societal norms replace freedom.
Buddhism identifies upadana, attachment, as one of the primary causes of suffering. Compassion and loving-kindness are central tenets of Buddhism, but clinging, self-grasping, and indifference to the concept of impermanence are seen as hindrances to achieving the Buddha-nature.
Loving detachment is a core Buddhist practice. Love as much as you can but do not cling, grasp or seek to possess. Be detached, not indifferent.
You will discover how creating “spaces in togetherness” can liberate you and your beloved.
Disclaimer
Views expressed above are the author’s own.
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